


clorox for sale

by cryystal_m00n



Series: obligatory cliche tropes [4]
Category: The Rose (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, is this an attempt at angst that i see?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-08-27 17:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16706491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryystal_m00n/pseuds/cryystal_m00n
Summary: dojoon: guys guys guys guysjaehyong: dont move and he will leave(or, the gc au every fandom needs)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [softtofustew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/softtofustew/gifts).



> this is bad  
> and sad  
> and it has no plot whatsoever  
> enjoy

**group chat [clorox for sale]**

**dojoon:** guys guys guys guys

 

**jaehyong:**  dont move and he will leave

 

**dojoon:**  ok, rude?

**dojoon:**  n e ways, hoes   
 **dojoon:**  what does a house wear?

 

**woosung:**  you made that joke yesterday, dumbass

 

**hajoon:**  don’t listen to them, joon   
 **hajoon:**  what does a house wear?   
  
 ****

**dojoon:**  a dress 

  
**jaehyeong:** brb gonna find some new friends 

_  
_ _[jaehyeong has left the chat]_

 

**woosung:**  im coming w u babe 

  
_[woosung has left the chat]_

 

**hajoon:** *wiggles eyebrows* **  
** ****

**  
****dojoon:** *wiggles eyebrows back*

 

**hajoon:**  babe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**dojoon:**  yes babe?

 

**hajoon:** (●’o’●)


	2. Chapter 2

**group chat [️️️️️️️️️️️furry fam]**

**woosung:** why did you change the name again, hajoon??

**woosung:** we get it, you want to nyan nyan 

**woosung:** stop it 

 

**jaehyeong:** get some help

 

**dojoon:** i’ll cut your heads off if u come for my man again

 

**hajoon:** owo

**hajoon:** your man~? 

 

_ [dojoon has left the chat]  _

 

**woosung:** the gay is strong in this one 

 

_ [hajoon added dojoon back to the chat]  _

 

**jaehyeong:** shut up midget. we get it, you like pussy 

 

**hajoon:** someones jelly~~~~~ 

**hajoon:** just say you want sam’s dick jeff 

 

**jaehyeong:** suddenly i am a het

**jaehyeong:** het king, jeff lee 

 

**woosung:** bITCH

 

**dojoon:** its what she deserves 


	3. Chapter 3

**woosung - jaehyeong [private]**

 

**woosung:** do you ever feel like no one loves you? 

 

**jaehyeong:** hyung? its 3 in the morning, are you ok? 

 

**woosung:** i was just thinking

**woosung:** you would do so much better without me, jae 

 

**jaehyeong:** dont say that.

**jaehyeong:** we love you and we need you, hyung.

**jaehyeong:** if you werent around who would tell hajoon to stop sending us pictures of furries before our exams? 

**jaehyeong:** or who would help dojoon with his english?

**jaehyeong:** who would cuddle me when i miss my home? 

**jaehyeong:** i need you, sammy. 

 

**woosung:** i’m sorry. 

 

**jaehyeong:** are you drunk? 

 

**woosung:** no. yes. maybe? 

 

**jaehyeong:** im coming over rn 

 

_ [jaehyeong has gone offline] _


	4. Chapter 4

**group chat [furry fam]**

**dojoon:** what do you call a loaf of bread that’s been staying in the sun for too long? 

 

_ [woosung has kicked dojoon out] _

 

**woosung:** n e ways, jaes throwing a party tmrw

**woosung:** y’all coming or nah? 

 

**jaehyeong:** i am! i have to make sure you don’t drink too much again

 

**hajoon:** cant 

**hajoon:** i have a date 

 

**woosung:** nice one, bro. so youre coming too 

 

**hajoon:** i 

**hajoon:** have 

**hajoon:** a date. 

 

**jaehyeong:** don’t u usually meet w dojoon for your weekly anime marathon on friday? 

 

**hajoon:** i dont know, suddenly i cant read 

 

**woosung:** does he know it’s a date? 

 

**hajoon:** say something about this and i’ll tell jae about you-know-what :) 

 

**jaehyeong:** is this about that time you broke one of brian’s figurines? 

 

**woosung:** i… 

**woosung:** sure 

 

**hajoon:** it was nice working with you, kim woosung 

 

_ [hajoon has gone offline] _


	5. Chapter 5

**group chat [furry fam]**

 

_ [jaehyeong has changed the name to [kim wosing apprrciarion hours] OPEN] _

 

**jaehyeong:** i just wanted to say……. with my whle fkn cheate thst i luve kim woosung!!!!

**jaehyeong:** i just adorw hum so muchh and i wamt him to b happy and wrll rested 

**jaehyeong:** his eyes………….. the prettyest thing ibe ever seeeen 

**jaehyeong:** his lips??? the most kisssble lips 

**jaehyeong:** his lil accent?? makes me wesk 

**jaehyeong:** adn his hairrrrrrr?? softer than my luv fro him 

**jaehyeong:** i want to tell him i love him but i’m scared.

**jaehyeong:** i know he will never like me back since i’m not a girl. 

**jaehyeong:** and it fucking hurts. 

**jaehyeong:** i hate myself, but all the love i have in me goes to him. 

**jaehyeong:** i love you, sammy. 

**jaehyeong:** god, i’m so stupid. 

 

_ [jaehyeong has gone offline] _

 

**dojoon:** dumbass

 

_ [dojoon has changed the name to punniest man, dojoon] _

 

**dojoon:** you’re lucky i love you, jae

 

_ [dojoon has sent over 50 new messages] _

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**group chat [punniest man, dojoon]**

 

**dojoon:** how are you my earthlings? are you well rested? happy? in love with mother nature?

 

**woosung:** if you don’t shut up, i’ll kill you.

 

**dojoon:** but my sweet summer child!! u should be happy!!!!

 

**woosung:** i have fkn migraine nd im not talkning abt u 

**woosung:** tho u are infurriating rn 

 

**hajoon:** ohoho sammy boy bringing in the big scary words~~~ 

**hajoon:** he maaaaaaaad~~~~

 

**dojoon:** hi babe~

**dojoon:** anyways hoes and gays of every age

**dojoon:** i made pancakes

**dojoon:** come before i give them all to byungjoon from down the hall

 

**woosung:** nooooooooooo!!!!!!!! hes too tol and scaryyyyyyyyyy

 

**hajoon:** but his bald head is Beautiful 

 

**woosung:** he could kill u with a thanos snap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**dojoon:** how abt yall stop talking about my neighbour b4 i send his fiance on u 

 

**hajoon:** nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! alex scares me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**woosung:** ur scared of him cause hes too pretty 

**woosung:** ure gay cant handle him

 

**dojoon:** ARE YOU FUCKING COMING OR NOT?

 

**woosung:** gee someones upset~~

 

**dojoon:** just bring jae and shut. it.

 

**woosung:** aye sir!

 

_ [woosung has gone offline] _

 

**hajoon:** did we upset you?

 

**dojoon:** no baby, you did nothing wrong

 

**hajoon:** ill see u soon, dodo bird °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

 

**dojoon:** ok, cutie

 

_ [dojoon has gone offline] _

  
**hajoon:** CUTIE????????????


	7. Chapter 7

**hajoon - woosung [private]**

 

**hajoon:** what does it mean when u look at ur bf and u feel…………. smth?

 

**woosung:** wouldnt know, ion have a boyfriend

 

**hajoon:** u knOW I MEANT BEST FriEND!!!!!!

**hajoon:** now tell me :(

 

**woosung:** idk what to tell you, bro 

**woosung:** i dont like my best friends so,,,,,,,,,,, ye

 

**hajoon:** bITCH YOU LIKE JAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**woosung:** jae is in an established relationship w brian, so nah 

 

**hajoon:** JAEHYEONG. LEE JAEHYEONG, HOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**woosung:** mayb so 

 

**hajoon:** ur the worst 

  
  
  


**hajoon - kang brian [private]**

 

**hajoon:** yo, brian! quick q: what does it mean when u feel smth when you look at ur best friend?

 

**brian:** ur in luv LOL

 

**brian:** u there bro?

 

_ [you are unable to send messages to this user] _

 

**brian:** dont do smth stupid 

**brian:** eh, i warned him at least 


	8. Chapter 8

**group chat [punniest man dojoon]**

 

**jaehyeong:** can anyone tell me why did i find hajoon sobbing in his underwear about… ‘omega slick’?

 

**woosung:** ah, yes

**woosung:** another soul that has been converted to the beauty of abo

 

**dojoon:** you are Gross, i hope u know that, sam

 

**woosung:** as if youre not into dat master/pet bs

 

**hajoon:** HOW    
**hajoon:** could that test say that im A BETA?????????

**hajoon:** they are Lame aND BASIC AND E VE RYONE IS A BETA!!!!   
**hajoon:** i want that!!! JUICY!!! OMEGA!! SLICK!!!!

 

_ [jaehyeong has changed the name to juicy omega slick] _

 

**woosung:** aight cowbow, thats a bit Too Much now

 

**dojoon:** joonie! if you want to be an omega then by all means 

 

**jaehyeong:** LOL NO??? if buzzfeed says ur a beta than i am sorry my dude

**jaehyeong:** u cant carry them alpha babies rip

 

**hajoon:** i hope you choke. 

**hajoon:** and werent u a beta too????

 

**jaehyeong:** nope! i have handmade lube in me bro

 

**hajoon:** ok BUT another one of us HAS to be a beta too,,,,, right? 

 

**woosung:** im an alpha dude

 

**jaehyeong:** oof alpha put ur babies in me 

 

**dojoon:** i dont know what i am, but ill be a beta with you, joonie!!!

 

**hajoon:** thank you dodo bird ヽ/❀o ل͜ o\ﾉ

 

**dojoon:** uWU

  
  
  


**private chat [dojoon - woosung]**

 

**dojoon:** elp im an alpha

  
**woosung:** LMAOOOOOOOOOO


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take this update as something for samsam's bday since im too lazy to actually write something w plot rn   
> sorry my child, but enjoy ur day with your B R O S

**group chat [juicy omega slick]**

 

**woosung:** i need ur honest opinion. should i grow my hair out?

 

**dojoon:** like that hyojong kid from lit or that youngkyun boy from philosophy?

 

**woosung:** like that dancer from the club. doll? the one with long ass baby pink hair?

 

**dojoon:** oh shit

**dojoon:** ya man, go for it!! you’d look BOMB and ill even talk to wonpil to get u one of his skirts. them thighs need to see the light

 

**woosung:** well thats one opinion done. other joon? jaehyeongie?

 

**dojoon:** hajoonie says that you’d look dope, sam

 

**woosung:** ohohohohohohoh

**woosung:** other joon is w u?

 

**dojoon:** yes he is~~~~

**dojoon:** we’re cuddling and watching howl’s moving castle~~~~~~

 

**woosung:** nOICE 

**woosung:** but hyeongie? you’ve been quiet, are you ok?

 

**jaehyeong:** sdfhlkjdfghfgahd gisbdf YES I AM 

 

**woosung:** oh, ok! be careful, hyeongie!! i dont want somethig to happen to the prettiest boy i know

 

**jaehyeong:** eye--

  
  
  


**private chat [jaehyeong - dojoon]**

 

**jaehyeong:** WOODUMG 

**jaehyeong:** AHIR    
**jaehyeong:** HE 

**jaehyeong:** I   
  
**dojoon:** that’s ok jae, take your time

 

**jaehyeong:** PRETTY………… I………… MY HRRAT

 

**dojoon:** u can do it -hajoon 

 

**jaehyeong:** … im gay. 

  
**dojoon:** thERE U GO MAN 


	10. Chapter 10

**group chat [juicy omega slick]**

 

**hajoon:** good morning ▽・ω・▽

 

**jaehyeong:** i will fight you. 

 

**hajoon:** valid but what the hell did i do now??

 

**jaehyeong:** i saw u. i saw u nd dojoon. 

 

**hajoon:** ???

 

**jaehyeong:** he was feeding you cake and he got some on ur nose just to wipe it off with his t o n g ue 

 

**hajoon:** hehe

 

**dojoon:** honestly, jae. that seems like a u problem

**dojoon:** like ur jelly~~ 

**dojoon:** i bet u want someone to eat whipped cream off of u too

 

**jaehyeong:** sQUARE UP BITCGH

 

**dojoon:** ;)

 

**woosung:** whats dat abt jae being into food????

 

**jaehyeong:** HYUNG NO 

 

**woosung:** i men i got some whipped cream and strawberries here………. come?

 

**jaehyeong:** OMW!!

 

_ [jaehyeong has gone offline] _

 

**woosung:** imma get that Bussy gays

 

**dojoon:** i hope u choke

 

**woosung:** nah, i usually do the choking

 

**dojoon:** asdjhasd

  
**woosung:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/cryystal_moon)   
>  [tumblr](http://cryystal-m00n.tumblr.com)   
>  [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/cryystal_moon)


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